I’m Madly in Love with My Husband—But He’s Not My Soul Mate (And That’s OK)
Yep, I said it. I’m head over heels for my husband of 20+ years. I still think he’s handsome, hilarious, and the best kind of pain in the ass. We’ve built a beautiful, chaotic, love-filled life together, complete with seven kids, late-night laughs, coffee-fueled mornings, and all the messy, real-life moments in between. But here’s the kicker...
He’s not my soul mate.
I am.
It took me a long time—and a lot of inner work—to realize that the only person truly responsible for my happiness, wholeness, and sense of peace... is me. It’s not his job to complete me. It’s mine. And once I started treating myself like my own soul mate, our relationship got even better.
Let me explain.
Why Being Your Own Soul Mate Matters
There’s a myth we’ve all been fed since childhood: that there’s one perfect person out there who will swoop in, save us from ourselves, and make us whole. Cue the fairy-tale music and glittery sunsets.
But in the real world? That mindset can create disappointment, unrealistic expectations, and resentment. When we rely on someone else to “fix” our unhappiness or fill every emotional gap, we’re handing over our power—and setting both people up to fail.
Being your own soul mate means choosing yourself first—not in a selfish way, but in a deeply respectful way. It’s understanding your worth, tending to your mental health, chasing your dreams, and creating your own joy before expecting someone else to meet you there.
Love Grows Stronger When You’re Whole
Let me tell you—when I stopped expecting my husband to read my mind, solve all my problems, or make me feel “enough” on the days I didn’t believe it myself... something shifted. We started showing up for each other in a more grounded, loving, real way.
We still argue. We still roll our eyes. We still say things we regret and have to circle back with apologies and hugs. But through it all, we each take responsibility for our own happiness. That’s powerful. That’s sustainable. That’s love grown-up.
You Can Be Crazy in Love AND Independent
I’m obsessed with him—but I don’t need him to define me.
I adore our connection—but I also cherish the quiet moments when I’m completely alone blasting music with the sunroof open, working on my business, or simply breathing in a little peace before the house erupts into full-throttle chaos.
He’s my partner. My teammate. And sometimes, my soft place to land. But he’s not the reason I’m fulfilled.
Self fulfillment now that's my job.
So Here’s the Truth
You can be deeply in love and still be your own soul mate. You can be committed and still wildly independent. You can be soft and strong, nurturing and badass, all at once.
And if I’ve learned anything in 25 years together, it’s this: the most solid relationships aren’t made of two halves trying to make a whole. They’re made of two whole people, walking side by side, choosing each other every damn day.
So cheers to love. Cheers to growth. And cheers to the beautiful truth that being your own soul mate might just be the best gift you’ll ever give your relationship.
With love (and a Starbucks in hand),
From Kylie – your favorite sweary, soul-mated mama 💋✨